Now I have your attention, this is a story about the three ducks we had in our garden as children, Bill, Jemima and Gertrude.
Jemima was named after one of the toys featured on the BBC’s children’s programme, Play School, presented for many years by the late Brian Cant.
Though for the life of me I cannot remember how we came by Gertrude, and Bill was always going to be just Bill.
Anyway, back to my tale of unrequited love and ducks.
I remember returning home, after a weekend away to find three Khaki Campbell ducks installed in the garden. My initial excitement at their arrival very quickly turned to dismay, when I realised that we (my sisters and I) would be responsible for collecting the eggs every day and cleaning out their hutch.
Out of all the animals we had when growing up these were the ones I disliked the most, well apart from the African Grey parrot but that’s another story.
They certainly, brought out the ‘Margot’ in me, for those of you who remember the ‘Good Life. I could never just shove my head in to look and grab the eggs. I wasted a lot of time holding my nose and groping around with my hand. Anything to avoid having to look inside.
It was bad enough having to collect eggs from an incredibly ‘smelly’ hutch and I still have the urge to ‘heave’ whenever I think about it.
But then we didn’t see or eat a hen’s egg for years.
To this day I cannot stomach duck’s eggs and never understood why we just didn’t get some chickens?
Anyway, back to the love triangle, the one consolation I used to get was watching our three ducks chase each other around in circles as it very quickly became clear that Bill had his eye on one of the ducks, let’s say for the sake of argument, Jemima.
However, unfortunately for Bill, Jemima was not in the least bit interested but Gertrude certainly was.
So, poor Bill used to spend a lot of his time and energy chasing Jemima around the garden whilst in turn being chased by Gertrude.
Don’t think this ‘drama’ was ever fully resolved the whole time they were with us.
In fact, they may well have been still chasing each other around in circles by the time I left home to study.
I think in the end they ended their days in an animal sanctuary after mum decided enough was enough. It was time for them to go.
So, there you have it.
Until next time